My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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