I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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