This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
