If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
