i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
