At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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