I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
