Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
