I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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