My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
