dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
