thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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