you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
