Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
