Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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