i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
