Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
