Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So vagazzling was a success
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
