I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what day is it and did you see me today?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
