So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This toilet bowl is my home.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
