and next time when you feel me up, do it right
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
