I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
