I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
