If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
