just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
