I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it hurts more in the daytime
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
