i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
