I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
