but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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