I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
