Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Randomize
