I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
