The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
