Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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