Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
