super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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