no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize