I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
