I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
