Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
