If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
