He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
