Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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