yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
