Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
People in love make me want to vomit
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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