God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
