Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
