I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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