oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
