is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize