The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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