So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
