What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
