just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
