He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
