woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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