omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
