Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
