Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
