strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize